Dear Broken self
The little girl that was touched inappropriately by multiple people. That was told to not say anything. The little girl that watch movies for just the sex scenes. The little girl that grew up to fast yes that little girl. That was scared of admitting that she was a victim of mental, physical, spiritual abuse. The little girl that looked for love that should’ve been received by her parents not from anyone else. The one who did stuff for attention. That cried out from the little girl in me. The little girl that grew up thinking that sex would keep a man around. That didn’t learn that everyone heart is not pure. That you can be used abused. To little girl who was never taught or shown what love is but always gave love.
To the little girl who kept growing up looking for love in young boys who didn’t know what was love. That never asked questions because she was afraid of what answers would have been told. The young girl with an attitude like the world owed her. The young lady that didn’t realize that some people love came with conditions. That young lady that was teased and made fun of because of the way she dressed and talked. The young lady that followed trends that did not make any sense but did it because she wanted to be accepted by her peers. The one who lied, stole, and cheated because that’s what she seen and thought it was what everyone did. To the lady that learned by watching and following. That’s did not understand the power that she had was within her, by not following the trend. That she was beautiful not by being other people but being herself.
To the young woman who had a baby at the age of 16. That was confused and broken , that was ashamed of admitting that she messed up by allowing others to do things that should have never been done to an innocent child. That acted as an adult because she thought she knew what it was. That assumed that this being an adult was all about partying and sex. That her innocence was not beautiful. That being smart was dumb. That took being s parent was not my job even though I carried that child and chose to bring that kid in this life. That would hangout and not take care of her kid. That chased after men that didn’t want me for who I was but what I had to offer..That from time to time broke down in tears because I didn’t understand why these boys did not want me and my love that I had to offer and didn’t realize I had the greatest love in the world. My God and my daughter
The young woman that thought she was a woman because she married a boy. That thought that she was doing the right thing because she was living in a life of sin but that did something Godly do keep living in a life of sin. That both physically and mentally abused her husband because he was doing the same thing to her. That gave her body up to anyone that my husband asked her to do because she wasn’t strong enough to tell him that’s not what she wanted. Because she desired a different type of love. That had another child but still searched for the love that she desired. That then kept dating a man knowing that I only cared for him because of what he offered me had a 3rd child then left because he no longer could offer me anything. Because I graduated from college and thought I could handle it on my own. That hurt him that watch him beg and plead and had no remorse. Because the sex that I was getting else where made me think that this person loved me.
To the woman who loved a man that you thought loved you. That showed you affection but felt so lost and confused. That women that beyond broken because she knew in her heart that beyond shadow of a doubt that she loved this man but because he couldn’t stop the flirting the acting single. That didn’t see that she was crying on the inside but smiling on the outside because all she wanted was the truth but I could never give the full truth about how uncomfortable I was with all his different situation. But because I loved him and was desperate to be loved I shut up. That had no courage or discipline to stand up to him. That was broken by him and that continues to let this man break my heart over and over not with words but with actions but still cries at night. That at one point was ready to throw it all away and say fuck it but then realize he still will wouldn’t care. To the woman that has now grown to love herself to the women that is stronger than she has ever been. That no longer needs a friend, a man or anyone else to define me. To the queen that will have a husband and will be a wife one day. I love you and you not alone. Let’s end this cycle here. Let’s be bigger and better than we was. Let’s have ever lasting ever moving faith. Let’s believe in not what man can do but what God can do. Let’s love like you have never loved before. Let’s forgive and forget and be happy about the lessons that you have learned. Let’s see what the future hold and finally let’s be grateful and happy with the things that you have and not what you don’t have. When you appreciate what you have you will over flow with other things.....
A no longer broken woman
It’s God. I know it been a while so let’s talk young lady. I know you feel neglected and abominated. Because everyone you ever loves either leaves or turns their back on you. And I make it no better by letting the devil attack you. Attacking you mentally physically and spiritually. Because you haven’t been walking this walk very long. It seems as if I am never there. When in actually I’ve been there the whole time Brittney. But let’s discuss somethings first.
For one I know you struggle with certain sins every day. Because this is what was taught to you. This is what you seen. You seen sexual things you seen lies and people stealing. But was never explained that these are things that people should not do that they are sins. And I want to let you know just because you did these sins doesn’t mean I love you any less. Just like you have children and they do those things doesn’t mean that you don’t love them just means I am disappointed in you. But I will never leave your side. I want nothing but greatness for you but I can’t give you that greatness until you acknowledge who I am and what I can do for you.
To remind you in the book of Job Chapter 1 Job had everything fame, wealth, health, family everything anyone could ever want he had. But the devil told God that he is only doing that because he has it all. If you was to take all from him. Everything he ever needed and wanted he will cuse and foresake you. God laughed at the devil and said try you are allowed to touch everything expect his life. Spare his life and watch how he still praise me. First the devil took his wealth his source of income. Job wife states when will you give up this God that you believe In. Job just simply states that we as humans have to take the good with the bad. He still had faith in his God. In chapter two the devil took his health now remember God said touch everything except the life that includes the health. So as his health went his faith never moved. He fast and pray.
Long story short no matter what the devil did Job faith never shook. I need you to believe in me. Not for a man or a car or anything else but for the mercy and Ever lasting love that I give to you Brittney. Just because you are single doesn’t mean you are alone pretty girl. Just because your single doesn’t mean your not worthy speak life into yourself speak beauty and wisdom . Speak love and joy speak everything you desire and deserve into yourself.